Music – September 01 2009

There is nothing more self-explanatory than experiencing this space of time during nighttime where my mind could travel sonically without leaving the place I am sitting on. 

I suppose music has become my form of gaining catharsis. There is such a bigger,wider, crueler world outside my bedroom’s door and I sort of collect memories of the past and try to fit them all in into one 3-minute life-experience that resemblance every core identity of my being which can then be enjoyable for listening pleasure and transforms itself to become … my mantra?  Yes. My mantra. My way of getting messages from my heart. 

Frankly, I have been away from myself, far far away. I don’t know how this could happen at the first place, but you now when you’re having a highly expected blind date? You try really hard to prepare yourself to fit into your categorization of being “decent” so that the person you’re meeting could match his or her own portion to yours. That is a soul-eroding process. You try to negotiate instead of elaborate to yourself what you really are and what you have been made up of. Yes I could easily sign up for yoga classes, I could be relentlessly ignorant, I could put my skinny jeans on and drive both my thoughts and my car to a bookstore to find some prophet-wannabes ‘ books which I might be inspired by, but the question now is: am I or can I.. be present to myself? 

I am not complaining. No way. Life is full of hidden surprises and I could say I’m quite an explorer. But I think being away from yourself could be such an endless, loooooong brick wall that you find your name sprayed on it every 5 meter. What does it mean? What does it want me to do? What is behind these brick walls? 

One more casualty, you know, we’re to easy, easy, easy ….. (Amos, 1992)

Eventually, the music comes in, slowly and steady. And these song creatures come to me as if they’re illuminating firmaments. Trying to reach my hands, under poetic presences, and say “Look, if we are going to face all this, choke your potential tear-producing, put your shoes on, hear your voice and GO”

You are the clever one aren’t you?

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